Tuesday, June 29, 2010

5 Reasons to Hate Motorcycles

I have heard rumors that not everyone likes motorcycles as much as me. I have, in fact, had people ominously warn me that some people hate motorcyclists. I've been trying to figure this out, and I think I've got it. So, here goes.

1. The nail that sticks out gets hammered down. Can you believe these people out there, riding around on their motorcycles, having a good time while sensible people stay safe and cozy in their S.U.V.s? How dare they? What's up with those clothes? How many cows did you have to kill for all that leather? Why can't you be like the rest of us?

2. Jealousy. Don't you wish you could be as cool as that motorcyclist? Look at the mechanical incarnation of pure awesomeness he or she is riding. Now look at that wheeled brick you're rolling around in. Why does everyone else get to have all the fun?

3. They're so hard to see. God forbid you pay attention to something besides your phone and your hair when you're driving. Using your turn signals is hard enough, but now you have to turn your head and just look at where you're going? Screw that.

4. They're dangerous. Look at that asshole. He's probably increasing your insurance premiums. Doesn't he think of anyone besides himself? What happens when he crashes and he can't feed his kids anymore? Won't someone think of the children?

5. Naked, yellow fear. Ultimately, hate comes back to fear. Who knows what you're so afraid of. Pain? Rejection? Failure? Success? Maybe living the life you want instead of the one you feel stuck with? Yeah, I can see through your hatred. You're justifying your fear instead of overcoming it.

Fear is natural. It's a good thing when it keeps you from getting killed by an angry mastodon. On the other hand, fear is toxic when it keeps you from really living your life. It's toxic when you can't identify it and keep it in check. It's toxic when you start imposing your fear on others. It's toxic when it turns to hate.